How do we live together and preserve our own personal space, our own personal preferences?

If there is more than one person living under the same roof, conflict can result from personality differences  – some people are more organized than others, some are more creative than others. This can be a cause of tension between family members.

If one person has a preferred way of keeping the home, and the other has theirs, what can we do to ensure that we maintain a sense of harmony while still preserving our own individuality?

The answer is simple: Compromise.

Compromise is the tool we use in order to not only survive, but to thrive together.

If one person is tidy and the other is not, then the messy person’s natural pattern is to leave things scattered about. If this is a consistent pattern throughout the home, the tidy person may think that the messy one is deliberately leaving things lying around to antagonize them, but that’s often not the case. The messy person is just doing what comes naturally to them.

One compromise that needs to occur here is for the tidy person has to relinquish control and let the messy person be who they are. And both of these people need to honor who they are and who each other is, by finding their own space in the home where they can be true to their natural way of being. The rest of the home should be considered a shared space, and compromise must occur in those shared areas so that both people are comfortable. It might not be perfect, but it will be balanced enough to let them live in a harmonious environment.

For instance, if the bathroom is an area of conflict because one person squeezes the toothpaste in the middle and the other squeezes it at the end, simply buy two tubes of toothpaste! Perhaps you have a young adult who only lives at home during the summer – co-create house rules for everyone about shared and private space. This way everyone living in the home shares responsibility to honor each others personal space as well as the shared spaces.  Making space in our hearts and minds for others to be who they naturally are, is one of the most supportive steps we can take in relationships.

What has compromise got to do with Feng Shui? In Feng Shui we seek to create balance, and sometime balance is something that has to be achieved between people just as it does in living environments. Compromise is inner Feng Shui at work. Inner Feng Shui is about working on inner connection and balance and then supporting that inner change or desire for change by making adjustments in your outer environment.

To learn more about how to apply Feng Shui in your family relationships, listen to my podcast here: http://www.harmony-life.net/simplefengshuitips.shtml

© 2010 Harmony Life, LLC by Laurie Bornstein

One of my neighbors recently asked if the swimming pool in her backyard was ‘bad feng shui’. I get these types of questions all the time. There is no ‘pat’ or general answer.

Before you assume something is bad feng shui, there are several questions you should ask yourself. You should ask, what your experience is – have you experienced challenging times? And you should ask what is going on in the area of your life that coordinates with the Bagua area you are concerned about. (What’s a Bagua map? Click here to download a free PDF)

The general rule with water and feng shui is that big stagnant bodies of water are not good. However, a pool is not a big, stagnant body of water. As long as it’s maintained, cared for and ideally used, it becomes a thing of beauty. That is a completely different than bad feng shui.

When you begin to look at your living spaces with feng shui eyes, it is important not to assume something is bad simply because you’ve read it in a book. Feng Shui isn’t black and white; feng shui is about energy, and energy is subjective, it affects us all in unique ways. Before assuming something is bad, see what Bagua area it’s in and honestly evaluate how that part of your life is doing. If you are having challenges then corrections and adjustments need to be made. If on the other hand things are fantastic and couldn’t be better, leave everything as it is.

Back to pools for a minute – if you are concerned about your pool follow the suggestions and your pool will go from an inactive body of water to one that energizes the space it’s in with beauty and inspiration!

1. Keep your pool clean
2. Have your pool serviced on a regular basis
3. If there is anything that isn’t working properly, fix it
4. Run the filters on your pool daily to keep the water moving
5. If you don’t use your pool often, consider purchasing a solar fountain, this can float on the surface of your pool turning it into a big fountain!
6. Plant the area around your pool with colorful plants and flowers, this will balance the water energy and make it beautiful!
7. Consider placing several large flower pots around the pool to further enhance the way it looks and feels.
8. Begin to think of your backyard and pool area as a health and wellness retreat.

When you change the way you think about things, the energy around them changes. Just by writing those words – health and wellness retreat – I can feel a shift around the pool. It’s gone from being something that takes a lot of work to maintain to something that comforts, and energizes you!

So before you consider something to be ‘bad feng shui’, give it some more thought…you just might find that by changing the way you think about things you can change your experience.

To learn more about the Bagua and Feng Shui, listen to my podcast here: http://www.harmony-life.net/simplefengshuitips.shtml

© 2010 Harmony Life, LLC by Laurie Bornstein

Your bedroom is one of the most important rooms in your home.

This is the place that embraces the ‘no place like home’ energy. When you are decorating your home, you want to begin with your bedroom, and seek to create a refuge, a place of comfort and tranquility away from it all.

By doing this you have to be aware of the aspects of a room. These are: the walls, the floor, the ceiling, the lighting, the bed itself, the bed-frame, the headboard and so on, and the other furnishings in the room like artwork and mirrors. All of these aspects combine to create the total effect in your room. It’s not just about pillows or paint, it’s about all the details.

Your bedroom is about rest and relaxation. It is a place where you restore and rejuvenate. It is a place for physical intimacy. This space should be delicious, inspiring and personal.

Remove Distractions

Distractions are what your bedroom is not about. It’s not about exercise. It’s not about watching television. It’s not about working on the computer.

One of the main distractions in a bedroom is the television. If you have a TV in your bedroom and you’re in a relationship, that means that one of you is going to lose out attention-wise. And the loser never seems to be the TV!  If you must have a television in your room, keep it covered or in a cabinet when it’s not in use. Ideally, it’s best not to have a TV in the bedroom.

Incorporate Color

Look at the color of the room. Color is multi-sensory, you don’t just see it, you feel it. I like to use food words like tantalizing and delicious when I describe color because it is that powerful of an experience for us. One way to bring in color is to paint the walls. Or just paint one wall, behind the bed. If you can’t paint, you can still bring color into the space through other items like bedding, pillows, artwork, a throw or area rugs. These are things that are quick and adaptable and they allow you to create the feeling you desire without the commitment of paint. Don’t underestimate the power of color -color is the quickest, easiest way to shift the way a room looks and feels.

Ambient Lighting

In most bedrooms there is a central overhead light. That is what we call general task lighting. Most times it does not create a warm and cozy feeling that we need in our bedrooms. We are attracted to warm pools of light – like moths to a flame. You should only use your overhead light when you need a lot of light. Other than that, your table lamps or accent lights should be used to create those warm pools of light. The pools of light created by accent lights and lamps create a much more intimate feeling. A lamp should be beautiful even when it’s off. That’s a place you could also incorporate some of that yummy color – in the lampshade. Then it becomes a piece of art.

Surround yourself with things that you love.

Love Your Bed

Now the bed. If you love it, it will stay with you forever. Don’t make the bed too big. I know a lot of folks love king size beds, but for two people a queen is usually big enough, it allows each of you your own sleeping space without a lot of empty space between you. What does your bed look like? What’s it made of? How big is it? What does the bedding feel like? I love cotton jersey sheets because they are just like a tee-shirt. They are not cold or hot, but they are comfy! That’s my favorite. What’s your favorite? We all gravitate toward different textures.

Where is the bed positioned? You want to be sure you are in the power position. You need to be able to see the door from your bed. But you don’t want to be positioned directly in line with the door or directly opposite it. It’s OK to be on the wall opposite the door as long as you are off to one side or the other. It matters because the door is a narrow confined space. Imagine water moving through a narrow space – it moves faster, it’s a little more disruptive. We do not want disruption, so we want to position ourselves so that we are the master of our space.

Romantic Artwork

Now the artwork. What is most romantic to you? Color, landscape, seascape, forest, meadow, a couple, an abstract? What the art is isn’t as important as the feeling it creates. The bedroom is not a place for lots of pictures of our family or children. The bedroom is a place of intimacy for two people. Keep family pictures to a minimum. The same is true about mirrors. We want to keep the energy level low in our intimate room. One mirror is plenty in your bedroom and it should be positioned so that it is not at the foot of the bed facing the bed. It’s best when it is positioned off to one side or the other.

These are the basic elements of an intimate room – be sure to keep your personal paradise in mind. Embrace all the aspects of what you love. Consider all of these items as you begin to create your personal paradise, your ideal bedroom.  This is the place that embraces and represents intimacy. Don’t be afraid to make it a little sensual,  a little daring, don’t be afraid to create the mood!

To learn more about How To Create a Romantic Room, listen to my podcast here: http://www.harmony-life.net/simplefengshuitips.shtml

© 2010 Harmony Life, LLC by Laurie Bornstein

Wanting romance is one thing, making space for it is another. If we want romance, we need to make room for it in our heads, hearts and living environment. Where to start?

The bedroom is one of the top three rooms in your home, and represents the single most important relationship you have in your life. It’s important that you take the time to make it your own and personalize it.

To simplify the process, I’d like you to use your imagination to take a couple of mental snapshots of your bedroom. To do this, go to your bedroom and find a comfortable spot to sit or lay down. Support your head and shoulders. Find a place of comfort and relaxation. Breathe deeply in and out.

With each breath begin to slow your thoughts and focus on the following information. As you read each question, allow your gaze to gently lift to your room and view it as though you are seeing it for the first time. Don’t evaluate your responses, or talk yourself in or out of what you feel, trust what you feel, trust what enters your awareness.

As you face the room, answer these questions:

• What color is your room?
• Where is your bed located in the room?
• What type of linens are on it? Flannel? Comfortable an soft, like a t-shirt? Or perhaps silky and sensuous? Perhaps they are crisp like cotton or linen. Allow yourself, in your mind’s eye, to see and feel your bed.
• Look around the room. What type of lighting do you have?
• Where is the window?
• Where is the door in relationship to the bed?
• What color are the walls? The bedding?
• What texture and color is the floor?
• How does this room make you feel? Are you compelled forward, embraced with comfort, a warm welcome? Is this a place that sings to your soul? A place that captures who you are with nurture and support?

Now in your mind’s eye, take mental snapshot of your room exactly as it is now. Move this mental image over to the side.  And now, still standing at the door, if you could do anything to embrace your heart’s desire to your bedroom, what would it be?

• What color would it be?
• Where would you put the bed?
• What kind of bed would you have? Would you change it?
• What about the bedding? What’s the texture and color of your perfect bedroom?
• What is the scent in your room?
• What type of lighting is in your perfect room?
• Would there be furniture other than the bed?

In this place of imagination, there are no barriers. Your room can be whatever you’d like it to be if it were perfect for you.

Now take a mental snapshot of your perfect room, and in your mind’s eye put the images next to each other. Notice what is different from the room today versus your perfect personal paradise. Take a few moments to write down the differences. Write down the aspects of your perfect room that seem the most exciting, the aspects that make you smile and feel good about the space.

Part of embracing romance in your life is embracing that yummy delicious place that is your personal paradise.

There are many ways we can do it. Now you know what your perfect personal paradise looks like, you have a template to begin the process.

Give yourself permission to walk through the door and begin the process of creating your perfect bedroom, your personal paradise. This is the most important room in your home, where you honor who you are … open your arms to the opportunity for romance by opening your arms to yourself!

To learn more about how to enhance your romantic life with Feng Shui, listen to my podcast here: http://www.harmony-life.net/simplefengshuitips.shtml

© 2010 Harmony Life, LLC by Laurie Bornstein

Do you have space for relationships in your life?

During Feng Shui consultations I am often asked to make recommendations that will attract the perfect relationship, the perfect partner.

When I get to the client’s home, what I almost always find is that there is no space in their life, no space in their home and no space in their lifestyle for a relationship! We can want a relationship forever but without creating space for it, it may never find us.

Desire needs energy and energy needs space. We need to have space for the change we desire.

The first step in the process is to determine the quality and kind of relationship you want in your life.  For example, if you are a very busy person, maybe a long-distance relationship or a cyberspace relationship, or a relationship with someone who has the same type of schedule as you, will be most suitable for you. What’s important is taking the time to define what’s right for you, not what others think you should have, but what you want.

How can you attract the perfect person if you don’t know yourself? It’s like saying you’re going to buy a pair of pants and it doesn’t matter what size they are. That’s not true at all. They are not all going to fit. They won’t all look good. They won’t all feel good.

By making time for ourselves and by caring for ourselves better, and loving ourselves, we make ourselves more attractive to those we want to spend time with.

No matter what kind of relationship you want to attract, you still need to make space for the time in your life. How do you make space? Treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Make dinner for yourself and eat it at the table – not over the sink or worse, right out of the pot!

Set aside time to take a class, read a book, take a walk, spend time with you. You’re worth it! And you want the partner in your future relationship to feel you’re worth it too, so it’s up to you to set the pattern for yourself. Make room for you and you’ll make space for another.

Feng Shui is based on the flow of energy – whether it’s our inner energy or the energy around us. Clearing emotional and physical clutter is energizing. That positive feeling propels you forward. With Feng Shui you are going with the flow instead of fighting it or trying to control it.  It is much easier to make change in our lives when we feel compelled forward.

Identify what you want to get out of a relationship and then make space to allow it to find you. Enjoy each moment. By enjoying yourself, you become so much more attractive and so much more interesting to everyone else.

Valentine’s Day is around the corner, want to learn more about relationships? Click here to read an earlier blog post about creating space for love in your life.

To learn more about how to enhance your romantic life with Feng Shui, listen to my podcast here: http://www.harmony-life.net/simplefengshuitips.shtml

© 2010 Harmony Life, LLC by Laurie Bornstein

Last time we talked about Intention. I gave you some questions to ask yourself so that you can determine if you are acting with intention. Let’s look a little closer at a few of these questions to see how committed you are to your intention.

What do you want to do? What is your desire? When you know what you want to do, then you can ask yourself the next series of questions.

Perhaps you want to have fun. How are you planning to do that? What does it look like? Maybe having fun means travelling the world. To determine how to approach your intention, you need to be committed to that.

There’s a difference between being interested and being committed. When we’re interested we do things when they’re convenient and fit into our lives with little or no changes needed. When we’re committed, we set aside time, we schedule what we want into our lives. Whether that’s time to learn new skills, or simply time to slow down and make time for ourselves, we make it important enough to change our lives to achieve it.

What is your plan? Write down the steps to your plan … you will start to get an idea of the process that will help you get what you desire.

As you write down the steps of your plan, envision what you desire taking place. As you picture the process you’ll notice things that change. Pay attention to what changes, and then work to make those changes in your life. You will see how you will have to shift your inner environment, focus and attention to navigate through the various steps.

You will see how you will need to spend your time and energy. Just as in our outer world we shift our furnishings in our space, now we must shift our inner furnishings to support our intention. This is how we make space in our life for the change we desire. We must make space for the change we desire. To achieve our intentions, we must shift our inner world, our inner feng shui.

Here’s the amazing thing when you begin to live a life more in alignment with your desire and intention, when you slow down and become more aware of that, something magical starts to happen outside. You experience more synchronicity in your life.

Synchronicity is that magical moment when exactly what we want or who we need at that exact time, comes into our life. When we desire opportunity, the opportunity shows up. Synchronicity is always happening in our life. We are generally too busy to notice. When you start to shift into living a life of intention and being more aware of where you are and what you are doing, you also are open to these synchronistic opportunities. You are far more likely to notice them. And when you notice them you are able to take advantage of them.

And when we are thinking about the question what do we want to do with our life, these are big picture thoughts and dreams. Dream big! Think big! And you’ll be big. No one holds you back but you!

To learn more about Being Committed to Your Intention and Inner Feng Shui, check out my latest feng shui podcast, Inner Feng Shui.

© 2010 Harmony Life, LLC by Laurie Bornstein

Intention is a very important part of aligning your inner and outer feng shui.

Intention is what we want to create, to happen.

For instance, when I put water in my oatmeal and I put it on the stove, my intention is that those two ingredients will combine to make hot cereal. I have a very specific intention. When I plant flower seeds and I water them, my intention is that those seeds will turn into flowers.

If we live a life with intention, and are aware of the specificity of the things we do, the reality and quality of our life begins to change.

Intention builds the roadmap of your experience.

Just as the home begins as an idea in an architect or  builder’s mind and then becomes reality, what you hold with conviction and what you believe to be so will become a reality for you.

When we look at our intention as a foundation, the bones of the structure of our inner world, it begins to make more sense.

So you need to start by clarifying your intention. Ask yourself the following questions to help clarify your intention:

• What do you want to do with your life?
• How do you want to do it?
• How committed are you?
• Do you have a plan?
• An idea of the process?
• What are the steps between now and then?
• If you could be anyone, or do anything, what would be different?
• How would that look?
• What are your dreams?
• Is the life you have gratifying right now?

Answer each question just off the top of your head .. is your intention clear?

To learn more about Intention and Inner Feng Shui, listen to my podcast on Inner Feng Shui here.

© 2010 Harmony Life, LLC by Laurie Bornstein

Here is something I get asked about from time to time:

What if you have teenaged children that live in your home and their room is a disaster – perhaps there are clothes all over the place, or the room is cluttered and generally in a messy state. If you are trying to clear clutter in the rest of your home, what do you do about your teenager’s room?

The answer may be difficult to hear, but it’s important!

Teenagers are hormonally going through great change. They are also going through a lot of growth and development.

I have read that going through the teen years is the same level and intensity as a two year old. The difference with teenagers is that you add the hormones to the list, and things can become very erratic. Often it’s chaos inside theem, and as we know, the outer world mirrors their inner world, and so it makes sense then that their outer world, their room, is going to reflect their inner turmoil.

I have two teenage daughters and one teenage son. I know this room! In that instance, it is important to recognize that they need their space to move through their own development. Try not to focus too much on it when it’s a teenager.

Of course, it’s still your home, but my advice is to treat that space as a separate apartment in your home. Close the door to that space and focus on your main living area; where you spend your time.

It sounds unusual, but in the case of a teenager, it’s the best way to handle it. The good news is they will come out of it ... the light will come on and the child you knew will pop back into their body. As odd as that sounds, it really is just that way.

Remember also that we all move at our own pace. This teenaged phase may go from early teens to late twenties. If it goes further than that, then perhaps there is a block that you need to help them identify.

When they are changing so fast, it’s not that easy for them to keep up with themselves. Their outer world, their room, their environment, will probably reflect this.   It’s their space where they are trying to define themselves.

To learn more about how to use Feng Shui principles to manage your relationships, listen to my podcast here.

© 2009 Harmony Life, LLC by Laurie Bornstein

In order to attract the perfect relationship, you need to be sure that your living environment embraces you with comfort and warmth and welcome.

If your love relationship space is your bedroom, and there are clothes all over the floor or if your bed is always a mess, then you probably cringe when you look at it. If it involves too much work in order to make it comfortable, perhaps you would rather go to other parts of your house than go to that space.

It depends where you are in your life, relationship-wise, but essentially when we speak about a love relationship, we are not referring to a spring fling; we are referring to something more. We want to attract a relationship that brings us a sense of belonging, a sense of being cared for.

In Feng Shui, your inner world is mirrored by your outer world. So the question is, how do you treat yourself? Do you treat yourself with love and compassion? Do you treat yourself well? Do you take care of your space? If clutter is an issue for you, then the answer is ‘not really’.

When we talk about our desires, sometimes we may forget that our surroundings mirror what we think about and what is actually happening in our lives. Our space speaks volumes about what is going on within us.

Clutter does not have to mean ‘messy’. The definition of what clutter is may be different for all of us. The question to ask yourself is whether you are compelled – does it move you forward? In the case of a bedroom, the space should be so yummy and delicious that when you wake up in the morning, you should see something beautiful. You should want to snuggle down and not get out of bed because it’s so comfy. That is a space that is not cluttered.

There may still be things in it because you live there, but it should be comfy. If you are indifferent about it; if there are things scattered, clothes on a chair, a duvet on the end of the bed. If you get a negative feeling about it or you don’t want to go there, that is the feeling that clutter produces – it repels us. We try to avoid it. Drudgery is a job waiting to be done. A lived-in spaced isn’t cluttered, but what that means is going to be different for me than it is for you

It is important to recognize how it makes you feel. Do you feel nurtured or does it replenish and uplift you or does it drain you of energy?

By recognizing what feels good in our space, and by making sure that we surround ourselves with things that we love, we focus on treating ourselves with love and compassion. Getting our own environment in order is important to do before trying to attract anyone new into our lives.

For more information about how to treat yourself, click here to listen to my podcast on Feng Shui and Romantic Life.

© 2009 Harmony Life, LLC by Laurie Bornstein

Could you use more romance in your life? Does your relationship need a jump start? Clutter clearing just might give you the space in your life for love to enter. How? What does clutter clearing have to do with romantic life? It’s all about making space.

I worked with a client once who claimed she was in search of the perfect relationship. When I went into her bedroom, I noticed that her bed was pushed right up against the wall. When I saw that there was no space for someone else, I asked her to tell me about the relationship she wanted. She started to tell me about how busy her life was. She wasn’t sure if she had time for a relationship, but she wanted one.

I pointed out to her that she didn’t seem to have room based on the placement of her bed – literally there was no way for someone else to get in or out of the bed. As we looked around the room, every place had clutter. There was no space anywhere for this relationship that she believed she wanted. She realized that she didn’t actually have space for a man in her life. We needed to clear her clutter in order to make space for any relationship in her life. In almost every room in her house, the love relationship corner had clutter in it.

The love relationship corner from the Bagua map, if you are facing into the room, is in the back right corner. Your home divides into nine areas and that back right corner is your love relationship space.

This may not have been a conscious choice that she made, but we can sometimes create our own blocks. Sometimes we create them because we are not ready; we need more time. Other times it’s just an ingrained habit. We automatically do it and then we wonder why it’s not working.

Feng Shui energy needs space to move. If there is not space, you can want a relationship forever but if you don’t make space for it in your environment and in your heart, it won’t come. Because she said she was so busy, she didn’t even have the time to nurture any relationship that came her way.

When there is a lot of clutter blocking our relationships or our desire for relationships, the first thing we have to do is make time, make space for ourselves. We have to start to care better for ourselves and love ourselves. It’s much easier to make changes in our lives when we feel compelled forward.

To learn more about creating space for love in your life, listen to my podcast on Enhancing Your Romantic Life Using Feng Shui Principles.

© 2009 Harmony Life, LLC by Laurie Bornstein